The Big Apple took a Bite out of Me

I was crossing the street, and a fucking bike-rider-man-thing was riding his bike and heading straight towards me. Even from far away, I could see that he was aiming for me. I turned right, he went right. Left, left.

He smiles, an evil, penetrating smile while I imagined a bloodied, lifeless Fawny laying on the concrete-- crowds stepping over and around me to get to the other side of Park Ave. Once he crosses the intersection, I freeze in place, close my eyes, like Hiro fuckin' Nakamura from Heroes.

Then this douche misses me by a millimeter, barely scraping the hairs on my arm before he quickly turns and yells out, "psyche!!"

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! I hate New Yorkers.